woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
