my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
