I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
