this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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