Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
