birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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