Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
