You can't special order awesome
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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