We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
