They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
