yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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