You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
