The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
