im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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