Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
