me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
