Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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