So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
