I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
