he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
