McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
