I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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