You work out of a Hotel?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
