Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
