Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
