I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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