Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
