a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
