Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
