I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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