Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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