i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
