remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
