just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
