my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
