Your tits are I can't wait for
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
