There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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