Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
