just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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