I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
