The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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