please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
