my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
