it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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