and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
