that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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