it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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