i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i now understand why vodka
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
