Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
