My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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