she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
