Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
